Old Broads in Demand

I dont get it. Someone needs to explain this to me. When did the 35-45 yr old woman become the sexual conquest for the 20 something gomers? Who decided that women a little 'long in the tooth' needed the attention of these flat-billed, Famous Stars and Stripes label whores? Why are these Bam Margera wannabes assuming us old bitches would be flattered by their lame pick up lines promising a ride in their lowered Eclipse and a shot of Jager served out of the bottom of a flip flop?
Well Im not flattered. Im highly annoyed as a matter of fact. As a mature, bitter divorcee I find the trend as arousing as root canal. Sorry Tyler, Justin, Austin, or what other gay soap opera name your mother gave you in 1987; I'm not enticed by your subwoofer. You haven't paid income taxes long enough to know how to please a woman. You may have mastered level 8 on Halo but you have no idea what it takes to curl the tired toes of an old broad.
So quit trying to hang out at wine tasting events and hotel bars. You dont fit in and you look like you could use a good spanking; but not the kind you have in mind. Your tattoos dont make you look bad, they make you look like a bored 3rd grader who got ahold of a Sharpie. If you cant name the Speaker of the House and if you think Condoleezza Rice is a Greek side dish then Im not interested.
What happened to the good ol' days when young boys would go "Hogging?" You know, the one who took home the fattest chick won the pot. Go back to this offensive trend and leave us old broads alone. The fat chicks of the world are starting to resent us, and frankly, fat women scare me.